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People
of the Bow
Many of
us started our sailing carriers on a small boat in a one design
dinghy class, but as we grow up we soon want to move to something
bigger. It is a common practice for young people coming from
junior sailing clubs to start on the bow as their first position
on a keelboat (I don't know why). Although it is not an easy
task to do the bow on a Laser, for many of us the transition
to keel boats does not come easy.
The
bowmansunion.com introductory
self-examination for beginning bowmen.
So
you want to be a Bowman? Or Bow woman ?
Maybe you're tired of being an under appreciated grinder.
Or you have finally shed that extra 20 pounds and feel it's
time to redeem yourself on the pointy end. Well here is a
short test to get you going in the right direction and help
you to see if you have what it takes to become a bowman.
First
of all, to be a good bowman, you must have a high tolerance
for pain under many adverse conditions. Dealing with pain
and continuing to perform the duties of the bow is paramount
to being successful in this position. Seeing if you have what
it takes is simple, just follow these few steps.
1.
To make things realistic, start a cold shower and get in.
I recommend wearing your foul weather gear, but that's up
to you.
2. Spin around about ten times or so, just enough to make
it seem like the shower is "heeled over".
3. Now, with a medium sized frying pan, give yourself a good
whack on the top of the head while yelling "MADE!"
4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 every five minutes or until you black
out. SEE FIG. 1
If
you made it through this exercise at least five times without
loosing conscienceness or ending up in the emergency room,
then congratulations, you are ready for the next level. If
you didn't, then you'd better stay behind the mast you wimp!
OK,
as soon as the swelling goes down it is time to see if you
have the brains to be on the bow. The bow is a very mentally
challenging position. This exercise will give you a good idea
if you have what it takes.
To
test your problem solving skills, go to your local toy store
and buy a Rubicks Cube, you might already have one lurking
around your basement from the mid '80s. Once you have found
one, follow these short steps to see if you are sharp enough
for the front of the boat, or if you are destined to turn
a winch for the rest of your days.
1.
Take your "Cube" into a completely dark room or
closet, or if you are at work, a blind fold will do just fine.
2 . Have a buddy time you at solving the puzzle, and since
you will experience lots of distractions on the foredeck,
have your buddy smack you on the face repeatedly while you
complete this task (quit whining, do you want to be a bowman
or not ? ) .
See FIG . 2
If
you were able to solve the puzzle in less than 3 minutes then
you probably already have Dennis Connor on speed dial . Under
5 and you probably wear your harness to work under your business
suit. Anything under 10 and you have what it takes but you
need a little more practice . If it took you 10 minutes or
more, well, lets just say there is always a future as a tactician
.
Our
next exercise is one of mental toughness, to see if you have
the "clock weights", if you will, to persevere through
the torment and ridicule that will surely come from the other
crewmembers aboard .
This is our final test, so good luck .
1.
For five days you are not allowed to speak to anyone, not
your roommate, spouse, siblings, parents, kids, friends, boss,
coworkers, NO ONE .
2 . You are only allowed to verbally communicate in the form
of yelling and screaming. This includes phone conversations
.
3 . Be sure to include as much profanity in each sentence
as possible .
So
for an example, if your boss asks for an over due report.
Instead of saying "I will have it for you right away
sir." You could say "I WILL HAVE THE #&*$@%
REPORT FOR YOU AS SOON AS IT IS @*&%#@ DONE, %&#$
FACE!" Of course you can insert your own profanity where
you see fit .
Once
you have completed this exercise you should have a good idea
of what it is like to be on the bow of a high performance
racing sailboat. The faces people have given you and the obscene
hand gestures you have received during this last five days
are very similar to the ones you will receive in your new
position on the bow. However, if you made it through this
exercise and you are still married, your friends still call
you or talk to you, and you still have a job, then you didn't
try hard enough. You will undoubtedly fold under the pressure
of this demanding position, in other words you are a wuss.
Don't feel too bad though, not everyone is cut out for this
life. It is lonely world up there, some sailors just can't
handle the stress and separation. Just be thankful that you
took this exam, think of all the pain and ridicule you have
saved yourself .
If you passed all three tests, then congratulations. Once
the bandages come off and you have begged your boss for your
job back, the next step is to get your name on your local
crew list as an "Aspiring Bowman". Be sure to mention
that you have passed the "bowmansunion.com introductory
self-examination for beginning bowmen". Bring along the
Rubicks Cube and a blindfold to any interviews with skippers
and you are sure to have a fast ride on the bow of your choice
.
Good
Luck
Bowmanship
101
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